Jacqueline Valdez, Entrepreneur, Mom of Two

Hi girls, 

My name is Jackie I am a bookkeeper and I had my daughter at 30 years old. I definitely consider myself a lot more mature now then let's say 5 years ago, but more than age I feel like what has impacted my parenting style the most is my background and values instilled in me from my family. My daughter is currently 5 months old right now so I wouldn't say I've been doing too much parenting yet instead I've done more of figuring things out as I go every day so far. I think maybe "figuring things out as we go" might be parenting itself since there's no one way fits all. I also have a 7 year old step son whom I met at 2 years old. Although being a step mommy has also included a lot of figuring out as I go I feel like I definitely have had more of a chance of parenting him so far while navigating the toddler phase, into school and now the young boy phase. I find myself parenting him the same way my parents would do with me.

I feel a completely different woman after having a baby. The biggest change I have noticed so far in myself was before I even gave birth to Madison. I had a few challenges in my life starting at 3 months pregnant that continued all throughout. Those challenges forced me to let go of issues that I could not resolve myself and turned me into someone who became more passive, less explosive and just focused on the good. Since I did not want to affect my baby's health, I learned to give my energy and attention to the positive aspects in my life and I feel like it's been a huge blessing because it's something that I still carry now even after giving birth. It's been such a positive change not only for my loved ones around me but most important for myself and my health. 

I always knew I wanted to be a mother, I just always kept thinking I wasn't ready or I needed to fix certain aspects of myself before becoming a parent. Never did I imagine how much a heart can grow when you have a child and the amount of joy it brings. I had heard people say it's a love you can't describe and you can only experience it once you live it and boy do I agree now. My mom would tell me as well that having a baby would change me for the better and that it's what I needed and while I used to think that was a selfish thought since I did not want to make a baby responsible for my happiness now I understand what she meant and can honestly say my daughter is my biggest blessing and brings so much joy to my life every single day. I used to worry about so many little things daily and after having Madison that changed completely. She has taught me to live the NOW, to enjoy the present and cherish every single moment I have every day.

I definitely feel I am living up to my definition of being a mother. All my fears of motherhood have washed away. If I'm completely honest I feel like I am not living up to my standards as a woman. There's so many sides to us women, being a mother, a step mother,  a wife, a business owner, a daughter. Somehow I feel like being a mother comes to me the easiest, it feels natural. While trying to be the best mother I can be though I feel like I have stopped putting as much effort as I used to as a business owner and even as a wife sometimes. I feel like being a mother became a priority and everything else has fallen to second or third place. I am still working on finding a balance where I will feel content with myself in all aspects of my life but it has been very difficult.

I am not sure if I experienced postpartum depression. I have experienced depression in the past which I believe helped me so much in navigating my emotions during postpartum. I had an emergency c section, so being someone that has been used to being very independent her whole life and used to not asking for help recovery was very hard for me. I found myself not being able to move too much at first, while learning how to take care of a baby so I had a lot of emotions and anxiety. From what I've heard my story is not as bad as others but what helped me is to accept every single emotion I felt. I wasnt hard on myself and if I felt like crying every day I would. Also, reminding myself everyday that this feeling isn't forever was very helpful. I kept telling myself this is a season and it's ok. I still find myself reminding me that my daughter will only be this small once and one day I will find a balance to it all. 

The biggest support I had during my pregnancy, postpartum and still do is my mom. I will always be so grateful to have someone so kind and helpless be a part of my life. My mom was there to help make warm meals when I couldn't, she learned alongside me how to care for my daughter. And she still shows so much love not only to my daughter but to me, my husband and my stepson. She is another huge blessing I have in my life. She was the only one I felt like understood me or at least who I could ask for help and would not judge me. I felt like my husband did not understand what I was going through and his life had not changed in the same way mine did. Seeing him still have his activities, with no worries did make me resent him for a while. I lost myself a little in motherhood, just trying to find my way back to parts of myself, and learning to do life with my baby. I had to force myself to go out with my baby even when I was scared she would cry, I had to force myself to go out even when I was too tired but I knew getting some fresh air would help. At some point I noticed I wasn't forcing myself anymore and finding time for myself or going out with my daughter wasn't scary or exhausting anymore. I believe that everything a woman goes through is something that a man will never be able to comprehend. It was very hard resenting my partner and being so mad at him for making me feel like I was dealing with these emotions alone. 

The 3 challenges of being a mother for me are, 1. Making myself a priority alongside everything else that's important that includes making time for myself, just me time in general. By this I mean even squeezing in a 15 minute home workout, making myself a nutritious yummy meal for myself, or even going out with friends without my baby is very hard. 2 Finding a balance. It has been one of my biggest struggles. Sometimes i feel like i am failing at being a mother, a business owner and a wife all at the same time.  3. Not caring about others' opinions. While being pregnant I quickly learned that especially in the Mexican community women tend to have strong opinions about EVERYTHING. I have always been very open minded and i like it when people give me their opinion but when it's given about every little detail and if i don't agree it's a problem that's when it can get very annoying very easily. 

I am very happy with myself, I feel like there's a LOT of aspects of myself and my life I want to improve but when I sit down and reflect on this specific moment I can honestly say I am living what I have dreamed of for years. I have learned that happiness isn't a perfect picture, or a perfect home like I used to think, I learned that perfection does not exist. As i sit here and type this while drinking my coffee on a cozy Monday morning with my daughter next to me I feel very happy.

I feel like I squeeze in a little me time here and there but I still need to find a balance where I know I need more in order to feel less stressed and overwhelmed. I have been making a priority to squeeze in my day at least 15 minute workouts every day and it has helped me so much by making me feel like I accomplished something and relaxes my mind. So far my me time is those quick workouts, drinking a cup of coffee, and watching a tv series here and there. 

My advice to other women about motherhood would be, give it time. When you feel overwhelmed, give it time. Motherhood has soo many emotions, and for someone like me that feels every single emotion very deep I have learned that it's ok to cry if I need to, it's ok to laugh at the little things. It's important to feel every single emotion, good or bad.

My biggest struggle while working from home is adjusting to working while taking care of my baby. My daughter is not really on a sleeping schedule so i try to work while she sleeps but sometimes while she sleeps i feel like i have to choose either cleaning up my home, eating myself, working or resting. Before my daughter I used to be all about schedules and was very good at completing tasks every single day. I am currently having a hard time having either the time or energy to get back on track with my work phase. 

Instagram: Bkbyalliance Pinterest: Bkbyalliance Facebook : Jacqueline Valdez - Alliance Accounting Linked In Jacqueline Valdez