Sanna Shabbir, Talent Acquisition Business Consultant, Mom of One

My name is Sanna. I am a mother, a former member of the Air Force, and currently work as a Talent Acquisition Business Consultant. In my role, I manage a program focused on hiring more veterans, a mission close to my heart, especially as I was in the Air Force myself. Outside of work, I’m a full-time mom with 100% custody of my son. Life hasn’t always been easy, but through every challenge, motherhood has been my anchor, shaping who I am in ways I never expected. Here are my reflections on this journey.

Transformation Through Motherhood

The transformation that comes with motherhood isn’t talked about enough, though I’m glad it’s becoming part of more conversations today. For me, it wasn’t so much a ‘rebirth’ as it was the death of the old me. There was a time where I had to mourn the person I used to be, accepting that she would never fully return. It was bittersweet and more of a growth into a new chapter, part of the stages we all go through as women. This journey isn’t exclusive to mothers; it’s a part of every woman’s life, with each chapter building on the last as we move from adolescence to adulthood and beyond.

With motherhood specifically, the transition meant going from caring for only me, myself and I to being responsible for this new, precious life. Becoming a mother was something I’d always wanted, and I’d pictured having at least three children. But once I experienced the reality of motherhood, the weight of responsibility, and the challenges it brings, I realized that one child was enough for me.

One thing that surprised me about motherhood was a constant undercurrent of anxiety—almost a primal fear for my child’s safety. Nobody really tells you about the random intrusive thoughts you get. Even when everything is perfectly fine, this persistent thought, this need to keep checking on them, stays with you. Especially when they’re new horns! I was constantly checking to see if he was still breathing. It’s this feeling that at any moment something could go wrong, even in the most peaceful environment. Suddenly, I felt like I had everything to lose. I’m not sure where this comes from, but I’ve wondered if other mothers feel it too. It was a bit jarring at first, realizing that I would carry this vigilance with me, but it has gradually become part of my reality as a mother.

Healing Through Motherhood

I can remember the feeling I had when I gave birth, and it was something that’s so hard to articulate. I basically felt like I just had so much love inside of my heart that that feeling couldn’t even be contained by this vessel that I call my body. It was just the most overwhelming feeling of pure love and adoration for this little thing in my hands that grew inside of me. Words just don’t do it justice. Without sounding cliché, I felt like I was complete and whole. Even though the  actual birth was a little traumatic, the fact that he was here in this world, this physical being, made me feel… I don’t even know how to describe it. It made me feel like I was whole, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. I wasn’t just a mother; I was a mother to my perfect baby boy, and that was everything.

True Meaning of Motherhood

That’s such a deep question, and it’s hard to answer in words because I feel like motherhood is a feeling. It’s a feeling of deep love, overwhelming responsibility, and sacrifice. It’s all-consuming but also rewarding in ways that can’t be fully understood unless you experience it yourself. Motherhood, for me, is birthing something so perfect and beautiful in your eyes that you forever want to shield and protect it from the world. It’s like finding this beautiful balance of knowing you need to prepare this little person to go out into the world and be independent, all the while trying to protect them and guide them. It’s this constant dance between love, discipline, sacrifice, and the joy of watching them grow. It’s finding a balance between holding on and letting go. 

Living Your Definition

I do feel that I’m honestly living up to my definition of a true mother, and that does not come from a place of cockiness. It comes from a place of heartache and sadness, due to the relationship I had with my mother. I am the mother I am today because my mother was not the mother I needed, and that’s okay. I don’t hold it against her. I know she did the best she could with what she had, but in that, she taught me what a child needs from a mother, and because of that, I am truly the best mother that I know I can be.

I feel like I am a very present mother. I treat my child as an individual, as his own person, rather than an extension of me. I give him the space to be who he is and not project who I want him to be. This affects my relationship with him as he grows because I’m allowing him to explore who he wants to be, not who I think he should be. I make it a point to apologize to him when I’m wrong, and when he makes a mistake, I’m patient enough to breathe through it and work it out with him calmly. It’s so important to me that he grows up in a peaceful environment, and I’m teaching him to express his feelings without anger or violence. I want him to grow up and be an emotionally intelligent man who handles himself calmly and with patience, knowing that there are other ways to solve problems.

Postpartum Experience 

I was lucky enough to not experience postpartum depression as commonly as most women do, but I definitely did experience postpartum rage, which is something that is also not talked about enough. I wasn’t depressed; I was really, really angry. I was very upset about how my birth went, and I felt like the doctors did not listen to me. They kept pressuring me to let them use forceps, which I was against, but they didn’t seem to care about my wishes. My husband at the time and my mother didn’t have my back either, and that really added to my frustration. I felt like “Why aren’t they advocating for me?” 

When the doctors finally used the forceps, my son’s heart rate dropped, and they had to do an emergency C-section. That’s partly what made me so angry because I asked them to go straight to the C-section, but they didn’t listen. Had they, the process might not have been as traumatic, and we could’ve avoided the stress it caused.

That postpartum rage stuck with me for a couple of months after the birth. It wasn’t loud anger—it was more like a silent, simmering rage that I couldn’t quite express or deal with. It felt real to me, but from the outside, no one could have told.

Challenges of Motherhood 

I think the challenges that come with motherhood are a lot more than just three, but if I had to pick three off the top of my head… I would say the number one problem is how America culturally is such an individualistic society. I know you’ve probably all heard it time and again… “There is no village”. Motherhood was not meant to be solely on one person and one person alone. We were supposed to have a community of other people, mainly women, helping each other out. Kudos to those mothers who try to expand and reach out of their own space, but it’s often met with resistance or misunderstanding. We live in a society where there’s a lot of pressure to do everything on your own, to be superwoman, but the reality is that no one can do it all by themselves. We were meant to lean on each other for support, whether that’s emotionally, physically, or even just with day-to-day tasks. The lack of that kind of community can make motherhood feel incredibly isolating and overwhelming.

The second challenge would be the constant guilt that comes with motherhood. You can never truly win in society’s eyes. If you’re working, you feel guilty for not spending enough time with your child. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you might feel guilty for not contributing financially. No matter what, there’s always someone who’s going to tell you you’re not doing enough or that you should be doing things differently. It’s this constant internal struggle of trying to meet your own needs while putting your child first, and that balance is often harder than anyone tells you.

The third challenge is the lack of time. You are constantly pulled in a million different directions. Between work, the kids, and everything else, there’s no time for you to just breathe, to be yourself, or to even think about your own needs. Self-care becomes a luxury instead of a necessity, and that can lead to burnout. It’s exhausting trying to juggle everything without neglecting any aspect of your life, but at times, it feels like something always has to give.

Personal Happiness

I can honestly say, with 100% confidence, that I am happy. It’s not perfect, but it’s real and fulfilling. And that happiness comes from a lot of struggle. I’ve had to overcome a lot of obstacles to get here—from my career to divorcing my cheating husband. I’ve had to drop a lot of dead weight. I left a 12-year career, cut off toxic people, and shed a whole life off of me. But now, after prioritizing the things that matter and putting myself first, I can genuinely say that I’m the happiest I’ve been in a very long time.

Me Time

Do you get time for yourself? Explain. If yes, what does your free time look like? How does it help your parenting? If no, how does not having time for yourself affect your parenting?

As I’ve mentioned, I have 100% custody of my son, and I don’t get the luxury of shared custody. His father is stationed on the opposite coast and has been deployed, so I don’t get the weekends off or the break that comes with shared custody. However, I make it a point to get some me time. I hire a babysitter once or twice a month and go out with my friends in the city, usually for brunch. I’ll be home by 7, because I’m an early bird, but those little moments away do wonders for me as well as my son. Honestly I think he appreciates the breaks from me as well. 

Advice for Other Mothers

My advice is for women who feel like they’re single, even though they’re married—those who are holding down the fort completely on their own. If your husband isn’t supportive, is emotionally disconnected, is gaming all day, cheating, or just not living up to his promises as a partner and father, girl, LEAVE HIM. I promise you, you will live a longer life, you’ll glow up, you’ll be happier, and you’ll be a better mother. These aren’t just opinions—they’re facts. You deserve better.

However, if you choose to stay and keep holding it down with someone who isn’t pulling their weight, always make sure you have your own money. Build your own foundation. Make sure you have an account with enough to support yourself, so you’re never dependent on someone else for your happiness or security.

Last but not least, make yourself a priority. Take care of your health, your wealth, your mind, and your spirituality. You are your most valuable asset. If you don’t nurture yourself, you’ll have nothing left to give. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so fill yours up first. Your life is too precious to waste on anything less than what you deserve.

Daily Struggles as a Single and Working Mom

As I mentioned earlier, I feel like I’m in a space where my biggest struggles are behind me. But every now and then, I do face the occasional challenge. My work obligations sometimes conflict with my responsibilities as a mom. There are days when I have to juggle deadlines, meetings, and work while still being present for my son. Balancing both can be overwhelming, especially when there’s no one else to lean on. But I remind myself that I’m doing the best I can, and I always prioritize what matters most: being there for my son when he needs me.